26 March 2010

Thank you, Universe....i Think

I came to school today with a chicken salad sandwich and an apple. That's it.

I'm going to be here for about 12 hours today.

I came prepared to be hungry.

But then something magical happened. One of the teachers in my office came back from lunch with leftover cheesy potato soup and offered it to me. (apparently it was some all-you-can-eat place and he ate all he could eat and what was left was what he couldn't eat. i love that sentence.) So I had a real lunch. And I still have a sandwich to eat later this afternoon when hunger comes prowling after me again.

This is not the first time I've been given free food on a day that I had very little food for myself. In fact, in the 3+ years I've been going to this school, I can only remember two or three times that I went through the day hungry. But for every one time I was hungry, there have been at least 4-5 instances where I had no food but magically free food was provided for me.

The universe really is good to me.

I'm not sure why the universe is good to me.

Unless it has something sinister and horrible waiting for me around the corner.

So here we are, the universe and I, weaving our tangled web. The universe is working diligently to pamper me and lull me into a false sense of security. And I willingly take all the handouts, while staying on my guard, ready for any nasty surprises.

Is this paranoia? I can't help but wonder if there's medication for this sort of thing.

25 March 2010

I just Wanna Be okay, be Okay, be okay...ingrid michealson

I think it's gonna be okay.


Yesterday I went to all my classes (including pilates. three words: oh. my. painful.) and in all four classes I could hear an exaggerated amount of sniffling/desperate runny-nose prevention snuffs (is there an actual word for that? does anyone know it?) from all corners of the classroom.

It's not just me. Everyone is getting sick. Apparently we've come to that part of the semester.

The stress is on. Immune systems are low due to malnutrition (vending machine diets) and sleep deprivation (yay college).  The last reserves are kicking in gear to pull us through the last four weeks.

But like I said, I think it's gonna be okay. My mucus has gone from a pasty yellow back to clear (woah. tmi? well, it's my blog, so you'll just have to deal) Tons of water and orange juice and sleep in uncomfortable library chairs has paid off! I'm still fighting off whatever-this-is, but it's gone into retreat. I really think it's gonna be okay.

On a completely unrelated note: a girl from my drawing class bought an Ocarina online the other day. They're real. They exist. In many shapes and forms, it turns out. She bought a dark purple one that resembles Link's in Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask.

(don't even act like you don't know what i'm talking about)

It comes with a booklet on how to play folk tunes and songs from The Legend of Zelda.

I think I've found my new Life's Goal.

23 March 2010

a bummer Of profound Proportions

Spring Break is over, guys.

*moment of respectful silence, please, for the dearly departed "break" from school*

I'm not coping well with the loss. There was no "fun" in my Spring Break. I used the break to catch up on homework that was piling up, but there's still a truckload of work to be done.  Also, I needed the break to rest and recover from whatever virus was trying to overtake my body.

And then...

I woke up this morning with a very distinct and all-too familiar feeling in the back of my throat. There was pain, swollen mucus-choked pain, in the upper region of my throat. Almost the back of my mouth, but higher up, closer to the nose. It was a pain that I knew would disappear as I meandered through the day, but it will be back three-fold tomorrow morning. And three-fold again the next morning. Until, by the end of the week, my entire face will explode in a noxious mess of infectious mucus-y slime and gunk.

This.Cannot. Happen.

I just got done being sick! I CANNOT afford to miss any more school or work! Hear me, all you bugs and viruses floating around out there: you had your chance! And in five weeks you can have another chance, but for pity's sake, leave me alone until the end of April!!

I need a plan of attack. I need an escape route.

I'll drink copious amounts of water and orange juice.
I'll sleep as much as possible (going to bed before 11:00, naps between classes, naps in the middle of classes, whatever it takes).
I'll...I'll...oh no.
What else can I do?
What else is there??

Even as I sit here I can feel the sickness working on my body. I'm already dependent on decongestants, my brain feels foggy, I am indescribably tired, and the pain in my throat has evolved into a dull throb.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This can't can't can't can't can't can't can't happen.

I need another Spring Break!!

18 March 2010

has Anyone Else noticed nathaniel Hawthorn's love affair With commas?

My favorite part, by far, of the workday, is the time of day where Blockhead is on the clock, but clearly has nothing to do. He wanders from the main office to the back room (where i am) and looks at me typing away on the computer, sighs, then wanders back into the main office. And he'll pace like that for about five minutes until he stumbles upon a small idea of some meaningless task he could perform (like re-filling the paperclip jar, straightening the books on the shelf, or checking the paper drawer in the copier to make sure it's full even though no one has made copies since the last time he checked...things like that) and when he finishes he starts pacing again.

It's not long before a member of faculty will walk through the door and Blockhead can attach himself to them: "Hey, how are you doin' today? What are you up to? Where you goin'? You need me to do anythin'??" They don't even have to say anything in reply; he'll just keep talking and follow them back out into the hall and on to whatever destination they may have. And people seem okay with this because, regardless of what I may think of him personally, he's a good worker and an honest employee. I'm glad when he leaves because I really get freaked out by him silently standing behind me, watching, while I correct tests.

Kinda creepy.

Can I tell you something strange that bothers me about Blockhead? Well, besides Blockhead being his obviously blockheaded self. This characteristic that drives me so absurdly insane and grates against the very fibers of my soul seems so insignificantly small that will you probably think me arrogant and snobbish when I tell you.

Are you ready?

He never says "ing." 

Maybe you've noticed whenever I type his dialogue that his present tense verbs always end as such: goin' or doin' or makin' or reverberatin'.  Not that Blockhead has ever used the word "reverberating" in speech or writing ever in his life, I only used it as an example to further elucidate a point which, I hope, you get.

I've heard people slur their "ing"s; I've even dropped the "g" depending on who I'm talking to...but I've never heard it end in such a hard "n" as when Blockhead is speaking. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to spell these words without 'g's on the end.

Once or twice is bearable, but three times in one sentence is more than my ears can take. Sometimes I want to scream in his face:"Ing, ING, ING!! Blockhead, it's spelled i-n-g. Just say ING."

I know what you're thinking. "Grammar snob." I know, I know. I admit it: I am a grammar snob. I feel pangs of regret when I have to send a text without capitalizing the first letter of a new sentence, but sometimes, in the interest of time, it must be done. I will deliberately leave an IMing conversation if the person consistently misspells words or misuses contractions with a made-up excuse about homework, or meeting friends, or my house being on fire. I recently had a handwritten in-class essay turned back to me with a perfect score BUT I had misused "they're" for "their" and I was stunned, horrified and ashamed. (the last time i misused there/their/they're was in the 3rd grade. i'm still in a state of disbelief and complete denial.) Grammar is important to me because it's one of the few things I can actively use against the spread of degeneracy in the human race.

So, if you haven't already learned the difference between it's and its, then you need to put that on your priority list before you devolve back into an ape.

And for the love of I-don't-even-know-what, PLEASE say "ing" when using present progressive tenses!

17 March 2010

title? Anyone?

Sociology class was extremely difficult on Monday. We had a "discussion" (if you could call it that) about gender roles within the LDS religion.

There was no objective viewpoint in the room. Some got defensive. Some got emotional. And the rest, like me, endured in silence while prodding and troubling questions flew across the room.

The questions were born from sincere and respectful curiosity. I appreciate that.

It's the answers that were given to those questions that made me sick. My classmates' blind ignorance and narrow points of view honestly shocked me.

I wish I could have participated more actively, but the truth is that I'm searching for the exact same answers.

The difference is faith.

I learned that many are just as confused as I am. Many justify the contradictions by fudging the facts. Others simply ignore them.

But we all depend on faith.

16 March 2010

I'm Alive!!

It feels good to be alive.

The stubborn congestion in my chest insists on lingering with me still, but the cough has died down and I'm sure it's only a matter of time until I feel like I can breathe without these infernal vibrations. 

I came to work today to find a pile of paperwork in my box. That's what happens when you fail to show up to work for a week and a half.  I thought the inbox/stacked-shelf-thing was going to break under the weight of all that paper. I've never seen it so full.

Most of it came from our Dept Chair; an exam he gave out probably last week.  I've graded this exact same test for four sememsters now. Students never do well on this test. For reasons that are beyond me, the students seem to feel that they don't need to study.
I used to be amazed that teachers could tell when I had studied and when I hadn't.  Now that I'm looking at students' test results and scores, I understand. I'm not a teacher, nor do I have any intention of becoming one, so I can tell you with complete confidence that it's not a Teacher Super-Power.  It comes from being a smart student.

There's a huge difference between students that go to class and study, the students that just go to class, and the students that have probably shown up for class 2-3 times in the whole semester.

What's the moral of this post?
Give me a moment to think of one....

...moments pass....

~ Go study, 'cause you're completely transparent when you don't. ~

Ta da.

09 March 2010

(pretend This Is unititled, 'kay?)

I'm missing my fourth day of class. There are two tests coming up before the end of the week that I need to be studying for, but my brain has turned to Teflon - nothing sticks.

The chest congestion is the worst. I can feel my lungs vibrate uncomfortably whenever I breathe (what does a "death rattle" sound like?) and the coughing it causes is tearing up my throat.

I only feel like I'm going to die. No big deal. Don't worry about me.

I thought I was getting over it and so I forced myself to go to my classes yesterday. I felt pretty good by the end of the day. The rest of the week was going to go off without a hitch.

And then this morning hit me. Think of a metaphor using brick walls, anvils, and/or bowling balls colliding with giant boulders, crashing airplanes, and/or an atom bomb.
It hit harder than that.

Darn sickness!!

What I Need: Mucinex (to get rid of this confounded chest congestion!), the Extended Edition of The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, and a pot of chicken noodle soup.

What I Have: Non-drowsy Nasal Decongestants, theatre versions of Fellowship of the Ring and Return of the King (no Two Towers; distressing, i know. not only that, but the first one is a widescreen version, the other is full screen. i don't even know where these DVDs came from), and orange juice concentrate thawing in my fridge.

This is the part where I come up with a witty closing line that ties everything together; something about how you can't have it all regardless of what you think you deserve (and i do feel like i deserve an awful lot, considering i feel like dying and all), and my brilliant plan to NOT fall behind in school (even though I feel like dying and i think that should earn me some kind of "free pass"), or maybe a clever pun about the title of this post (which would require a lot of thought that i don't feel like doing because I feel like dying). Well, too bad for you, buster. Nothing doing. I'll just fail school, watch Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium instead, leave the post untitled, and then die.

No big deal. Don't worry about me.

(i just heard coughing from the apartment next to us and below us. i'm not alone in my misery! maybe i should invite my neighbors over for a sick-day pity-party.)

06 March 2010

This week Has Been as strange As this Post

This has been the strangest week. 

It was my birthday on Thursday, so already the stage is set for weirdness.  (just between you and me and the world wide web, if it could have been just another thursday, it would have been a successful day. that, to me, is a great birthday: when no one knows about it. there's nothing more awkward than a birthday dinner where the birthday girl is wincing in pain and trying to deflect attention from herself)

I've also been sick most of the week; could be a virus, an ulcer, a bacterial disease, an alien parasite...I really don't know. I have no attention span this week. I keep trying to do homework but it's just not happening. I barely have the attention span to write this post.

I'm going to see Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland tonight. Just one more item to add to my ever-growing list of Unproductive Activities I've Taken Part in This Week. 

I don't usually see movies in theaters anymore. I've become disillusioned and cynical towards Hollywood. The lines are cliche, the jokes have been told before, nothing is new or thoughtful, and the people are mockingly fake.  I like independent films. I like when it costs me nothing to see independent films.

And Miyazaki. I really like Miyazaki.

I'll watch movies if I can get it from Redbox or a dollar theatre. If it's any more than that, I feel ripped off.

I'm looking forward to this film, though. Tim Burton speaks my visual language. It's a one-way communication, unfortunately. Like when you've taken Spanish for a little over a year and you can understand what's being said to you but you have no way of articulating your thoughts back to the speaker. Yeah. It's like that with me and Tim. Except, Tim is unaware of my struggle and I don't think he loses too much sleep over it.

I like Metric's "Grow Up and Blow Away" but I keep singing "blow up and grow away."  And that makes no sense.

Did anyone else notice that I spelled "theatre" two different ways in this post? Little things like that make me giddy.

04 March 2010

i refuse To milk Out a Witty title For This post

I got sick yesterday night. It's been pretty wretched.

Intense pain in my stomach, mostly. Kept me awake all night. Tried not to eat.  Hunger got the best of me. Tried to stick with bland foods. Toast made me want to die, but for some reason Cream of Wheat made my stomach happy. So I've been living off of Cream of Wheat for the last 36 hours.


I haven't had this kind of pain since the 5th grade. I don't think we ever figured out what it was back then, either.


It was ulcers! I remember now. They found like three different ulcers in my gut.  (what kind of 10 year old deals with enough stress to get ulcers?? me, apparently) But even after those were taken care of, the pain persisted. So the next summer they took out my gallbladder. The pain was gone for about a week and then shifted to a different spot. 

Man, those are weird memories.  Eventually the pain went away on its own. I have no idea what's going on now.  It could just be a bug.

Happy Birthday to me, right?  23 years old today. I'm going to try my best not to remember it.

I got a Happy Birthday e-mail from The American Red Cross today. So, you know, that was pretty cool. Didn't get that last year. I know they're just out for my blood, but I'm still touched in a strange and totally irrational way.

02 March 2010

The joys Of Getting old

Came to work today with a sandwich, a cup of yogurt, and an apple for lunch. Yum.

First thing I do when I come in to work is dig through my backpack for food that needs to be refrigerated (in this case, the yogurt). So I open up the fridge door and guess what I see sitting on the top shelf?

An apple.

My apple.

The apple I brought for lunch on Friday but wasn't hungry for and so I left it here thinking I would eat it today, Tuesday, but completely forgot about it and so I brought another apple with me this morning.

It's really not that big of a deal until you realize that this is the fourth consecutive time I've done this. And it's always with fruit. And I'm always bewildered.

Just last week, I was slicing up a plum to take for lunch thinking, "Isn't this a clever idea? Oh it will be so tasty." Got to work and on the top shelf of the fridge there's a tupperware container, my tupperware container, with plum slices showing through its clear plastic sides. How in the world...??

It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the Twilight Zone themesong playing in the background. It makes the whole situation a lot wierder than it needs to be.