18 May 2011

what Do You know?

I walked to work in the rain today. I had my umbrella and was admiring what the rain does to the color and depth of the world when I came to the stairs.
I like this particular set of stairs. They seem quaint to me, in a sentimental cobble-stone sort of way. I've always liked these stairs, and I am particularly fond of them in the rain.

As I walked up the stairs, I was careful to keep my feet on the outer ledges of each step, where no water had pooled, and I thought to myself,
"I didn't know so much water pooled at the...the spot on the stairs where they...they meet...Gah! There must be a word for that spot on a step. The inside of the step? Where the vertical and horizontal meet to create an inside corner...the conjunction of the steps? There's probably a word for it. Buried deep inside some dusty dictionary and buried deeper in some Scrabble champ's brain. A stair-maker would know the word. Good grief, there's probably a better word for "stair-maker" as well. A real, technical and specific word for that profession. Ugh, there's so much to know that I don't know. There's so much I didn't know I don't know!"

I think I knew a lot of things yesterday (at least, I remember thinking I did). In fact, there are days when I'm fairly confident that I know an above-average amount of things. But then there are days like these, when I'm faced with something that I don't know (and before that moment I didn't even know that I didn't know it), and I think that I might as well not know anything at all.

What I need now is a good book, one with obscure vocabulary and lots of imagination, to re-charge my brain and increase my confidence in knowing. Oh, look! I just happen to have Neil Gaiman in my purse! That should fit the bill just perfectly.

11 May 2011

you Would think I'd Be more Sympathetic

It was pleasant enough this morning. A little sun, mostly gray clouds, no breeze. Fairly average Spring morning.

Then, out of nowhere, about 2 minutes ago, it started hailing. Huge clumps of ice pummeling the sidewalk and innocent pedestrians who had been caught unawares.

It's already stopped. (who's ever heard of a 30 second hailstorm? what is the point of that?)

This is what Spring is like in Utah. I don't think Utah copes well with change - especially the seasons. There are no smooth transitions from Winter to Spring to Summer to Autumn. On paper, it looks like it should be smooth: temperatures rise, peak, and fall again. Smooooth.

Not in Utah.

Utah tends to get irrational, even moody, when it comes to the change of seasons. This 30 second hailstorm for example: it's nothing more than a temper tantrum of a grumpy child who is adverse to change in routine. When the temperatures start to rise, Utah freaks out, "Oh no it's getting warmer! It's getting warmer and warmer I-I-I don't know what to do!! Oh no oh no! HAIL!!"

Irrational storming and threats of flooding and unpredictable bouts of hail...it's pretty obvious that Utah has no coping skills when it comes to the Winter-to-Spring changeover. Can we get a climate-therapist in here to tell our State to calm down? Maybe take a few deep breaths, count to ten, get a grip?

02 May 2011

lost in The haze That Has become My life

Yay Summer!

Yay for having no control over my schedule! Yay for having absolutely zero ability to commit to any future plans! Yay for not knowing what-the-crap is going on!

Yay. Yay. Yay.

I have two jobs, both part time, but I'm not really sure if I'll even be keeping the one. It depends on if I take a summer class, and that depends on if I get financial aid to take that class, but do I even want to take that class...WHAT THE CRAP AM I DOING?

No one knows.

Finances have become tight and I'm realizing that I'm sick and tired of being poor. Really. It's too much work and effort and energy to make my limited salary stretch across my living expenses.

School has made me poor. I used to/still do love school. The ideals of getting an education and living the life of a student: I recommend it to anybody, at least once. But it's hampering my ability to make money by taking up all of my time and energy.

So, for now, I'm done with you, School. I feel like we're going in different directions, and I think it'd be best if we part ways for now. But, if the powers that be will it, I sincerely hope we cross paths again.

P.S. - Unless I get financial aid for that summer class, in which case, School and I will be getting back together.

I didn't know I was such a user. I'm just stringing School along for as long as I deem It useful. In turn, School is dominating my time, controlling my decisions, and putting Its needs above my own. This is a terrible, dysfunctional relationship. I should just end it, for everyone's sake. It would be the better, nobler thing to do...

...unless I get that financial aid.