He wrote me, I wrote him, he wrote me again, and I sent my last response...I tried to be patient and objective, but I got irritated and I think I was a little short with him. I may or may not have said something along the lines of
"...suffice it to say, our relationship was not a good one for me. What you did with my sister was stupid and thoughtless, but it was just one more horrendous event topping off a long and horrendous experience."Too harsh? Maybe. And I do feel bad about that. I think he wrote to me out of complete sincerity, so it probably wasn't fair of me to respond in harsh terms. But his message was immature and revealed the full extent of his oblivious attitude towards anyone outside of himself, which was aggravating, and so I was short with him. In my defense, it wasn't as harsh as my original response to him (which I did not send, thankfully). Plus, this was not a hasty or rash message - I spent days and days composing this reply. This was the version that was as gentle as it was ever going to be.
Writing to him had some healing side-effects: I saw that most of what I was still bitter about had nothing to do with him; what I'm bitter about is me. My own insecurities, weaknesses, and the mistakes I made that I always believed I was too smart to make.
Those are things that I'll have to work out on my own, possibly for the rest of my life. There's nothing else to talk about with him, nothing left to solve or fix, and he'll never change from the self-centered lost boy I remember. So I wash my hands of it. I'm leaving it, and him, permanently behind.
(and if I ever happen to see him on campus, I promise to try really, really hard to not punch him in the face)
Interesting. I imagined it would feel more liberating than this.