23 May 2014

my Committments

I am committed to Art.

I wasn't always. Not really.

My relationship with Art was wishy-washy, at best. I knew I was Artistic. I wanted to study Art. Make Art. Be surrounded by Art.

...but I wasn't really an artist.

Then I decided I didn't like Art. It was stressful and demanding and time-consuming and I was done. I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to do anything BUT Art.
I jumped into music, literature, writing, mathematics... But all of them left a void. I was always unsatisfied. Always searching for something more.

And always, there was Art, hanging at the peripheral begging for attention.

You know those artists who say they don't have a choice? They paint because they have to?

I never understood that. If you don't want to do something, then don't do it. You don't have to do anything. Not really.

I understand now.

It took a long time. Years? Maybe? I don't even know. A lifetime, more likely. A lot of soul-searching and denial and self-doubt.

But it was all worth it because now I know...

...that I am an Artist.

It's what I am. It's more than what I do. It's part of me. It's under my skin and carved into my soul.

Now that I'm done denying what I am, I feel good. And I'm committed.

That's the reason I've been pushing so hard on my facebook page and starting a new blog and getting really active on dA again. It's been hectic. But it feels good. So I do it.

Writing here feels good, too. So here I am, to brush off the dust and remind my little blog that I haven't forgotten it. I've returned to Art like the prodigal son, but there will still be time for writing.