dreaded "d" Word

I'm having a moment of weakness.  I set a New Year's goal at the beginning of 2010, a single goal, to cut refined and artificial sugars from my diet.  I went on a sugar-strike.  I've done really well with it so far.  I've even lost some of the weight I gained over the holidays.

Then this morning happened.  A co-worker brought in a box of doughnuts for everyone.  My inner-debate went something like this:

"Ooh...doughnuts.  You've done so well with your sugar-strike so far, don't you deserve just one?"

"Hmmm....yeah, I do."

So I took one.  A small one.  Plus half of a bigger one.  So one and a half...but they were small so really it was just one...  Kind of.

They tasted so good.   

I left for an afternoon class thinking they'd all be gone by the time I got back.  Unfortunately for me, they're not.  They're still sitting on the counter.  I can smell them.

They smell so good.

I don't really want another one.  Except that's a lie, I totally want another one.  But I don't want to want another one.  (ooh, now we gettin' tricky)  I want to want to not want to eat sugar.  Succint, no?

I've got another hour and a half before I can leave this office.  If I eat another one before that time expires....you know what?  I'm not going to play a guilt game.  If I eat it, I eat it.  When compared to one whole month quitting sugar cold-turkey, I can forgive myself for a single day of weakness.

And if I don't eat it then I'll be spending an evening convincing my Sweet Tooth that having Pride In Myself is of greater worth than a cheap day-old doughnut.

This is the first time my sugar-strike has actually felt like a "diet."  Dang it.