07 January 2010

i Need some Kind Of pain-Killing Substance in My bloodstream NOW

I hurt my hip.  I don't really know how, either.

First, it's Winter Break and everyone is happy.  Next thing I know, I'm walking on campus to my very first class of the brand-spankin'-new sememster and my hip starts to hurt.  And my knees.  Not a lot of pain.  At first.  I figured I'd walk it off and my body would get used to the cross-campus hikes again.

Not so.

I came home last night and wanted to cry and then scream and amputate my entire left leg.  I did some stretches, and that helped, and I took a scalding hot bath, and that helped, but today I still hurt.  It feels stiff and the pain is making me nauseaous and light-headed.  I'm having a hard time focusing, I can't read, I can barely type (if you only knew how many typos i've been through so far.  it's probably going to break this backspace key), and I feel pretty wretched.

Because of a hip.

I'm about 60 years too young for this to be happening.  What if I've done permanent damage?  What if it never heals?  What if I have to go through this whole semester with a bum hip? (i know that sounded like some 60s lingo, "bum hip," but that's not what I was going for...unless you like it as theoretical 60s lingo, then by all means, run with it)  Should I give up all pretenses of dignity and start walking with an exaggerated limp?  Perhaps I could massage my leg while I walk (which helps, but in no way comes across as dignified or graceful).

I'm starting to let out sighs and moans whenever I have to walk, like my grandma did before she got her hip replaced. I may as well walk with a limp.

I want to go to a doctor.  It's a comfort thing.  Doctors bring back familiar memories from my childhood.  I also have memories of how useless, exasperating, and expensive doctors typically turned out to be, but like I said: it's a comfort thing.  Unfortunately, without insurance I wouldn't be able to afford the lab tests or any prescriptions, so is it worth the trip at all?

If it still hurts in a week (mother-FLETCHER it had better not hurt like this in a week!!) then I'll go to a doctor.  And if it turns out to be cheaper, I'll opt to have them amputate the whole thing.  Who needs a left leg, anyway?  I've got another one.

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