I guess It's Wednesday

I haven't been feeling well for the last week or so. Pretty sure I'm getting sick/am sick/same thing.

When I saw my mother on Monday she hugged me and said, "You look horrible, by the way. Are you contagious?"

Thanks mom.

My first impulse was to be offended ("Whaddaya mean I look horrible?"). But on the other hand (after spending most of the day dragging myself around and trying to pretend to be feeling great when I just wanted to jump in a hole and die/go back to bed), it was nice to have someone recognize how terrible I was feeling. Validation.

I feel much better today, by the way and thank you. Although, that could just be the caffeine I've been putting into my system to get me through my work days.

I'm not sick enough to really miss work, but I sure am draggin' two hours into my shift. So I make myself come, give myself a little caffeine-enhanced-sugar-boost, and it gets me through the day and gives me insomnia the next night. Fantastic.
(And by "fantastic" I mean "not fantastic at all - it's a terrible arrangement and I should stop because my body is never going to recover if I can't sleep properly through the night.")

Actually, that's the argument I've been having with myself for the last two hours: to have caffeine or not.

"I am not leaving my desk to check that refrigerator for soda. There's probably not even any soda left. There was tons left over at one time, but that was days ago. Weeks. Don't get up and check, it's guaranteed that it's all gone by now."

"But how do you know? You don't know unless you go look."

"I don't want all that caffeine and sugar and extra calories anyway. I don't. I've had way too much soda in the last four days - more than I've had in month. I don't want any more today."

"But you're so tired...you just need a little pick-me-up. Just a little one. One small can - it's only like 100 calories, no big deal."

"I sure am tired...but I think all that sugar is going to make me feel sick more than anything. I'll just tough it out and be tired today. Not the first time. I'll be fine."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"I already said 'fine'."

"Well, fine then, I'm just saying it again."

"..."

"Fine."

(I think I just inadvertently confessed to a deep-seeded schizophrenia that I was previously unaware of... Awkward...)